The Emotional Dog Bowl

Katharine Brunsch Author

Posted On Sep 14, 2022 |

Behaviour is your dog's way of expressing feelings; in the moment, it will show your dog's emotional state, needs, & whether their bowl is empty.

Table of Contents:

1. The Emotional Dog Bowl

How we feel, what we feel, and why we feel are essential aspects of our emotional experiences and that of our dogs. When supporting our dogs, it is important to be open to understanding how they feel and their emotional needs.

Imagine that every dog has an Emotional Dog Bowl that needs to be filled - with love, affection, security, mental stimulation, a nutritious diet, attention, compassion, understanding, play and rest (to name a few). Some dogs might seem to have a full bowl most of the time or know good ways to get a refill, but some dogs might get a little anxious when their Emotional Bowl is getting empty. You might describe their behaviour as "misbehaving", "annoying", or "naughty", but actually, are they just trying to communicate to you that their Emotional Dog Bowl is getting empty?

2. How would dogs behave when their Emotional Dog Bowl is getting empty?

They might steal from other people's or animal's bowls, for example, 'counter surfing' or pushing in to steal your other dog's food or treats. You might describe your dog as misbehaving to get your attention; in Remi's case, she likes to talk loudly or starts to mouth the sofa cushions, just letting me know it's time for her evening enrichment activity. She's not misbehaving; it's just her way of telling me I'm too slow and that it's time for some fun.

Some dogs might seem to have bottomless bowls or need constant topping up. You might see this in puppies who are still learning, but what is often forgotten is that they get tired quickly and need lots of naps throughout the day to recharge and process their new experiences. Just like children throw tantrums when overtired, our dogs do the same, but they just show it differently. If your dog is from working lines, they will need a lot of mental stimulation to keep their Emotional Dog Bowl full, not just exercise.

Some dogs might be unable to sit still for refills or actively refuse them because the emptiness has confused them, or they feel conflicted and don't want to miss out. You might see this when a dog won't settle because their current environment is too exciting with visitors, for instance. It can also be when your dog doesn't take a treat during a training session or on a walk because the social environment is too stressful for them at that moment. Perhaps they might need some distance from things in the environment for them to be able to process what's going on more easily.

Our dogs like patterns and routines, and for example, when activities like walkies don't happen at the usual time or are delayed slightly, you might find your dog bouncing off the walls because their exciting walk has been delayed. I see this in Chloe sometimes, and she starts to bark at me when she knows we are about to go for a walk. It's like she's shouting, "hurry up and get your boots on," and this is Princess Chloe, who never barks at anything! But this only happens when I've been delayed, or I haven't realised it's walkies time; the rest of the time, Chloe patiently waits for me to get myself organised. And this isn't a behaviour problem with Chloe; it's just her way of expressing an unmet need at that moment in time.

Some dogs might think they have to fight or compete for every refill or get jealous when others are having a refill. I remember being on an attachment with a dog handler while in the police, many years ago now, before I had ever owned two dogs at the same time, and before I was a dog trainer. We took the dogs out for a walk, and I was surprised when the dog handler took each dog separately for a walk. Now it makes perfect sense because each dog gets one-on-one time, and their Emotional Dog Bowl gets a complete refill. When I had Jinx and Keto, I walked them separately on occasions to concentrate on Keto's training in the beginning, and later on, when Jinx could only manage a short walk compared to Keto. I often walk Remi and Chloe separately, too. Chloe likes an off-lead walk in the field on her own, where she can do the zoomies without worrying whether Remi will chase her. I love training walks with just Remi, to give her my full attention, but we all enjoy our walks together too. Each walk fulfils different emotional experiences and needs for all of us.

3. How can you fill up your dog's Emotional Dog Bowl?

Dogs are the most amazing companions, and loving them comes easily, but not all dogs like a lot of affection. Sometimes they want to be near you or lie next to you without being stroked or fussed, which can be challenging for us to understand. If you are unsure if your dog wants affection, try stroking them once and take your hand away. Pause and see if they stay or walk away. Watch their body language; do they seem relaxed, or did their posture change when you stroked them? You know your dog the best, but be mindful next time your dog comes and lies next to you. Do they want to be near you, or do they want affection as well?

Play is a great way to bond with your dog and increase your connection. But play isn't about chucking a ball over and over. Have you ever played hide and seek with your dog? I love to hide treats around the base of a tree with Remi, and it's now a game to see if I can put the treats down quicker than she can find them. When we play with a ball or tug toy, I usually mix it up by throwing treats in the grass for her to find and practising some of the cues she knows. Sniffing helps a dog to self-calm, which is excellent if you have a dog that gets over aroused playing. I also let Remi win the tug game most of the time, as this helps build her confidence with a feeling of success. If you think of playing a game with a child, we let the child win as this builds their confidence and sense of achievement, and it's no different for our dogs.

Setting your dog up for success is essential in whatever you do, whether that is playing games, finding treats, training or learning new activities.

Friendship is important to help fill up your dog's Emotional Dog Bowl, but this doesn't have to be with other dogs; it can be certain people or even a different species. Not all dogs want other dog friends, or they might have only one dog friend, and that's ok.

Mental stimulation and learning are huge Emotional Dog Bowl fillers. It can be as simple as a minute or two of training or a five-minute enrichment activity - nothing has to be complicated or a chore for you to do. Practising a nose touch or 'on your mat' while the kettle boils is a great way to add some training to your day. You don't need to buy expensive enrichment toys, as a game of Cardboard Chaos is just as much fun.

Letting your dog sniff has so many benefits for your dog and is crucial to keeping their Emotional Dog Bowl full. Your dog processes so much information about the world around them through their nose, so it is essential to allow them the time to sniff, take in the information and be a dog. Next time you walk your dog, and they stop to sniff, why not take the time to look around and take in the scenery, nature and things you might not typically notice? Sniffing as an Emotional Dog Bowl filler leads nicely to allowing your dog to do what they love or other natural dog behaviours. This might be making them a place where they can dig or taking them to the beach to dig if that's what they like to do. If they like to chew things like your shoes or other items around the house, find some healthy dog chews, or give them Kongs, Toppl's or Licki Mats more often to fulfil this need. If your dog likes to explore, why not include some simple Dog Parkour into your walks? Making your walks more interactive rather than just walking helps to top up the Emotional Dog Bowl and deepen your connection together.

Understanding your dog and showing compassion will help to keep your dog's Emotional Dog Bowl full. Behaviour is like an expression of self; in the moment, it will show your dog's emotional state, their needs, and their character. Understanding your dog and recognising how your dog feels will develop an even deeper connection.

Getting enough sleep and quality sleep is vital for our dogs. When your dog is tired, you might see an increase in undesirable behaviours. Like us, dogs can get irritable when they haven't had enough sleep. Help your dog to get enough sleep by providing them with a calm, quiet space in your home, or have multiple places where your dog can sleep so they can choose for themselves.

4. What empties your dog's Emotional Dog Bowl?

Fear and anxiety will empty your dog's Emotional Dog bowl quickly, especially if it is continuous. Fear is a primary emotional state linked to survival; you might see this as fight, flight, freeze or fool around. Understanding your dog and not seeing their fears as irrational will help you support them through their concerns. How we behave towards our dogs when they are anxious about things significantly impacts them. Therefore when thinking about dog training, it is also important to remember the Human End of the Lead and work on your reactions and behaviour. When people suffer from fear and anxiety, we refer to this as a mental health issue. But for dogs, we call the same thing a behaviour problem because we don't always understand the reason behind the behaviours they exhibit. At that moment, though, the behaviour they are carrying out is the only way they know how to cope with the situation. It is our responsibility to learn how to interpret these behaviours, so we can support our dogs to feel safe.

If you think of your dog as misbehaving, then you might believe the only option is punishment. Yelling and punishment are going to drain your dog's Emotional Dog Bowl. But when we think of our dogs as struggling to understand or cope with something difficult, this encourages us to support them through their confusion and anxiety.

Loneliness, isolation and rejection are challenging for dogs, and these can all empty your dog's Emotional Dog Bowl. Dogs are social animals that like to be in our company and have our attention and affection.

Success fills up your dog's Emotional Dog Bowl; therefore, failure can empty it. When learning new things with your dog, it is always good to break it down into bite-sized pieces and remember that you are working together with compassion, understanding and choice. When your dog doesn't understand something, it can lead to frustration and unwanted behaviour and empties their Emotional Dog Bowl.

5. Understanding your dog's emotional needs

When you understand your dog's emotional needs, you can see that they are not misbehaving but are trying to communicate their needs with you. Understanding your dog and their emotional needs also helps your emotional state.

We must consider our dog's emotional needs in everything we do. We need to ensure they feel safe, that they trust us, and that we will not put them into situations they cannot cope with. We must provide our dogs with the opportunity to do the things that make them feel good and fulfils all their different individual needs. When we know our dog might find things scary or struggle in certain situations, we need to make sure we have the foundation skills to support them. The more you can practice these skills in your dogs' safe environment at home, the better they will work when there are distractions, triggers and scary things.

Without trust, connection and understanding, you will constantly be trying to control your dog's behaviour. When a dog feels heard and understood, they will feel safe and will follow your guidance.

By understanding how to keep your individual dog's Emotional Dog Bowl full, you will be less likely to see unwanted or "annoying" behaviours. What you might have previously seen as "misbehaving" you will now understand to be an unmet emotional need at that moment in time.

The Emotional Dog Bowl © by Katharine Brunsch - Canine Support